So maybe there's something to that vision of loading up a van from time to time and traveling from motel to motel - I just may not have been seeing it clearly.
This afternoon when I went to pay the bill and get my mail, Jessica asked me when I can get my license back. This was in response to me telling her that I'll be going downtown Saturday (walking)to pay child support and other things to do. You see, I don't have a driver's license because my support got behind - but that's all good now and I can get my license back any time I want, but I have to pay a $149 re-instatement fee to do so. So that's what I told her. To which she was happy, saying that yes once I'm in Omaha working for her husband and not paying rent, I can use the money I save to get that done. I said I need to use someone's vehicle - she said, yes, you will use our van. "And then some times we will need you to drive our employees places some times, and maybe if you want on some weekends I will send you to the motel in Freemont to mow the grass there." Some how I get the impression there will be other road trips too.
Oh, and about last night's worries. Yes. It came to naught really - although I can't be positive how far a test it could have been allowed to go to. I did manage to eek out one more night's payment, but then there's still the question of tomorrow - will someone call me tonight or tomorrow morning either via my website or BitWine and get readings? Because Keen doesn't pay immediately, work on that site isn't the what's needed now thing. But Jessica did not worry when I wasn't able to pay at "check out" time and had to wait a couple of hours. I's sure that as long as I am able to pay for the room she is happy to take my money, but I seriously doubt that if one or two days I had trouble accomplishing this she would throw away her plans to use me as a resource like she wishes.
I just wish the arrangement would happen sooner.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Staying up late and drinking coffee
It's one of those days. It's one of those weeks. Ups and downs, great highs and threatening lows. The Great Motel Experiment has to have a life of its own. I have to believe that - I'm not ready to imagine it has anything but a great result.
I wanted to make a vlog on YouTube about the GME, but since I used snippets of music as intro and outro on the video, YouTube cut the sound track out of the upload and so I had to delete it and will have to upload it again. I'm also busy uploading my client files to a new server because ThelemicWaves.com is changing location too. It's going to be a much richer site than ever before because I'm using DreamWeaver now. I used to use Intuit's Homestead.com as my website provider, but now I'm going to start using 1and1.com because I get so much more for so much less.
Yesterday and today haven't been very productive to the pocket book. These things happen. It was so much easier to handle back when I lived in an apartment and didn't have to worry daily or weekly if I had enough for rent. I just have to tell myself that the work I am accomplishing is for the future - and the future has a pretty good looking pattern carved into it already. Even if I walk up to the front desk tomorrow and tell her I can't pay her yet - and maybe not for a few days even - I highly doubt she'd suddenly change her stance about me and send me packing.
I've had a couple of tarot readings from other readers the past few days about the subject - the general overall subject of my life in the next couple of months that is. Even the readers who don't know me from Adam know I'm making major moves in this period. In a sense, I'm going to be starting things fresh. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I'll be living in a new city, a new neighborhood, and working towards getting a new permanent residence.
The facts of the matter are that I'm scheduled to be moved from on motel to another, from one city to another. That I'm being given a part-time job running the front desk and folding sheets and towels (if you have time to lean, you have time to clean). And this is in exchange for lodging. And that bottom line amounts to about $900 in savings from my tarot earnings.
My perceptions of the matter are a different story altogether. You have to take my word for it if we are to believe these things can be called facts. Many months ago I perceived I was going to make a move. I even imagined it could be to a motel, but I wanted to ignore that imagination because I wanted a new apartment instead. But circumstances beyond my control (other than years ago I knew I was moving into a building that was managed by the world's laziest landlord)lead to me having to decide to skip out on the landlord and occupy a motel.
Early while staying here I got an impression that I was bound to stay in motels much longer than originally anticipated. As I spoke with my friends, I even began to find myself liking the idea of moving to another motel in another town, maybe even more than just once or twice. Maybe even as a habit (but first this requires I buy transportation). I could see myself happy within motel life. Then I started having visions of Jessica telling me to not pay her rent. That there would be a way to work things off. I also saw myself in a larger motel than this one, more metropolitan where not only was I living happily, but I was meeting people and getting hired for readings. I also saw the website growing, and the online bookstore I'm trying to build up and running. I saw myself loading a van or some such and taking road trips hawking my wares and plying my trade.
Lately to some people I've been describing the circumstances of the past six months as if I were a camel being pulled through the eye of the needle. Things are manifesting in alignment with my True Will on this Earth, I'm finding myself able to satisfy the choices I've been dreaming of, but it is happening to me in such a fashion that it is as if I no longer have any choice about it. "You want to move? Well then, it's time to move! You want to live rent free? You're running out of money and someone is making you go to work! You want to live in Omaha? You're wearing out your welcome here, so you are being hauled off."
Every new beginning has its terrors of uncertainty. Every initiation should make you question your sanity both before and after. The ordeals that come and trials that follow are not meant to just be unexpected turning points, they are expected to be informative as to the real causes of things and the real direction meant to be followed. And they are not just real results, they are singularly symbolic and can only be fully appreciated in the Atzilutic and Briahtic senses.
Synchronicity, serendipity, opportunity and availability. Blue and green candles are burning, the blue is in the highest.
I wanted to make a vlog on YouTube about the GME, but since I used snippets of music as intro and outro on the video, YouTube cut the sound track out of the upload and so I had to delete it and will have to upload it again. I'm also busy uploading my client files to a new server because ThelemicWaves.com is changing location too. It's going to be a much richer site than ever before because I'm using DreamWeaver now. I used to use Intuit's Homestead.com as my website provider, but now I'm going to start using 1and1.com because I get so much more for so much less.
Yesterday and today haven't been very productive to the pocket book. These things happen. It was so much easier to handle back when I lived in an apartment and didn't have to worry daily or weekly if I had enough for rent. I just have to tell myself that the work I am accomplishing is for the future - and the future has a pretty good looking pattern carved into it already. Even if I walk up to the front desk tomorrow and tell her I can't pay her yet - and maybe not for a few days even - I highly doubt she'd suddenly change her stance about me and send me packing.
I've had a couple of tarot readings from other readers the past few days about the subject - the general overall subject of my life in the next couple of months that is. Even the readers who don't know me from Adam know I'm making major moves in this period. In a sense, I'm going to be starting things fresh. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I'll be living in a new city, a new neighborhood, and working towards getting a new permanent residence.
The facts of the matter are that I'm scheduled to be moved from on motel to another, from one city to another. That I'm being given a part-time job running the front desk and folding sheets and towels (if you have time to lean, you have time to clean). And this is in exchange for lodging. And that bottom line amounts to about $900 in savings from my tarot earnings.
My perceptions of the matter are a different story altogether. You have to take my word for it if we are to believe these things can be called facts. Many months ago I perceived I was going to make a move. I even imagined it could be to a motel, but I wanted to ignore that imagination because I wanted a new apartment instead. But circumstances beyond my control (other than years ago I knew I was moving into a building that was managed by the world's laziest landlord)lead to me having to decide to skip out on the landlord and occupy a motel.
Early while staying here I got an impression that I was bound to stay in motels much longer than originally anticipated. As I spoke with my friends, I even began to find myself liking the idea of moving to another motel in another town, maybe even more than just once or twice. Maybe even as a habit (but first this requires I buy transportation). I could see myself happy within motel life. Then I started having visions of Jessica telling me to not pay her rent. That there would be a way to work things off. I also saw myself in a larger motel than this one, more metropolitan where not only was I living happily, but I was meeting people and getting hired for readings. I also saw the website growing, and the online bookstore I'm trying to build up and running. I saw myself loading a van or some such and taking road trips hawking my wares and plying my trade.
Lately to some people I've been describing the circumstances of the past six months as if I were a camel being pulled through the eye of the needle. Things are manifesting in alignment with my True Will on this Earth, I'm finding myself able to satisfy the choices I've been dreaming of, but it is happening to me in such a fashion that it is as if I no longer have any choice about it. "You want to move? Well then, it's time to move! You want to live rent free? You're running out of money and someone is making you go to work! You want to live in Omaha? You're wearing out your welcome here, so you are being hauled off."
Every new beginning has its terrors of uncertainty. Every initiation should make you question your sanity both before and after. The ordeals that come and trials that follow are not meant to just be unexpected turning points, they are expected to be informative as to the real causes of things and the real direction meant to be followed. And they are not just real results, they are singularly symbolic and can only be fully appreciated in the Atzilutic and Briahtic senses.
Synchronicity, serendipity, opportunity and availability. Blue and green candles are burning, the blue is in the highest.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Great Things Are Afoot (The Great Motel Experiment)
I was just giving an end of the night visit to my motel's manager and in light of the following story I'm about to tell you, her words will make much sense. She said, as I said good night to her after our conversational, "you will see. In a little time you will be like one of the family!"
I some times feel it is a mistake that I don't journal every little thought that pops into my head. I wish could some how make sure to jot down every image or vision that pops up, but things happen so frequently and quickly that I often don't understand their import at the time. But I'm very positive that a few months back before I started the current life as a motel resident that I was telling myself I wanted to move to the city of Omaha. In fact, I can probably identify that it was as far back as maybe a few years ago when I download a particular gaming system for the gambling game of Roulette that I said to myself, "Self, it would be ideal if you lived in Omaha or Council Bluffs and could actually take advantage of this." But even more recent than that, I felt as if Omaha was in my future.
Yet more recent than that, while here at the motel, I picked up an Omaha paper just to be curious about the types of apartments that could be available to me there compared to those that are here in Lincoln for when I get myself to that stage in this current "game" I'm playing where I am finally ready and able to take up an apartment. And what I discovered was that apartments in Omaha are cheaper! Who knew?
Then one day I was talking to the motel manager/owner and she is telling me how many motels her and her husband own. And she tells me how her favorite one is the one in Omaha. So we are talking about Omaha and she tells me that everything is cheaper there (groceries and all that) and that's one of the reasons she likes it better. She tells me, "you should move to Omaha when you are ready to move, that's what you should do. You will have more fun there."
Jessica, that's her name, is a nice Hindu lady and she seems to enjoy acting like my mother at times, calling me on the motel phone and telling me to come get some dinner she cooked or letting me know that there are storm warnings and that if I have things to get down in town I should be sure to get home quickly.
One day, a little over a month ago she tells me that her motel has been sold but that they are just waiting for the buyer to get the loan. She says, "and you can move to Omaha with me!" I tell her congratulations but I was only half concerned with the news. I've seen buyers of places this large back out before. But then a few weeks later she tells me that the deal went through and there will be a new owner soon, so I say, "Oh I hope the new owner is as nice as you are to me." She says, "You can move to Omaha and stay with us there." But I happen to know that there are more amenities in her Omaha hotel and it is more expensive, and I tell her I can't afford that. She says, "no, we'll work it out. Don't worry." So I say, "You would give me the same rate as here?" She says, "Sure. Don't worry, we'll work something out."
I'm someone who doesn't usually accept promises. Especially when I feel things look too good to be true. I mean the motel in Omaha not only has the same benefits as here, but a swimming pool and a full gym as well. And living in Omaha itself would be amazing compared to the years I've spent here in dinky Lincoln.
Then Sunday Jessica invites me to go shopping with her. I don't have any money for shopping but told her I'd enjoy going for the ride. The fact is, I've had a slow couple of weeks at work and was afraid that on Tuesday I'd have to tell her I don't have any money to pay for my lodging and would need to ask her the favor of "working something out" much sooner. So what I'm actually planning to do at this time, the reason I want to "go along for the ride," is to make myself useful on her errand trip and discuss with her this eventuality of me "working something out." I'm starting to fee, you see, that my ability to maintain my budget at this rate is tenuous at best. So I'm doing everything on this trip to myself useful. Pushing the big giant push cart for her, picking up the items she's purchasing, caring things to her SUV, loading the SUV, unloading....etc... when she then says, "when we go to Omaha I want you to work in the office 3 or 4 hours a day. That way you won't have to pay for your room. So you can save your money, you will still be able to do the work you do. We will work the hours for you." I ask her when she thinks we will do this, and I think I heard her say "in a month."
Come to realize this morning, she probably said "end of month."
Because this morning her husband knocks on my door and says he wants to talk to me. He gives me a job interview real quickly and then tells me he wants me to work for him 3 or 4 hours a day doing the office and folding laundry (that's the job Jessica does, which other than maintenance and house keeping is the only job there is). He tells me he will have me wear a branded white shirt and I will have to remove my earrings. None of this is a problem! And he says he will return in a few days to pick me up and take me to Omaha!
HOLY SHIT!
I almost feel like a kid the night before going to Disney World!
Will I sleep tonight???
"you will see. In a little time you will be like one of the family!"
I kinda think I accidentally got myself adopted.
I some times feel it is a mistake that I don't journal every little thought that pops into my head. I wish could some how make sure to jot down every image or vision that pops up, but things happen so frequently and quickly that I often don't understand their import at the time. But I'm very positive that a few months back before I started the current life as a motel resident that I was telling myself I wanted to move to the city of Omaha. In fact, I can probably identify that it was as far back as maybe a few years ago when I download a particular gaming system for the gambling game of Roulette that I said to myself, "Self, it would be ideal if you lived in Omaha or Council Bluffs and could actually take advantage of this." But even more recent than that, I felt as if Omaha was in my future.
Yet more recent than that, while here at the motel, I picked up an Omaha paper just to be curious about the types of apartments that could be available to me there compared to those that are here in Lincoln for when I get myself to that stage in this current "game" I'm playing where I am finally ready and able to take up an apartment. And what I discovered was that apartments in Omaha are cheaper! Who knew?
Then one day I was talking to the motel manager/owner and she is telling me how many motels her and her husband own. And she tells me how her favorite one is the one in Omaha. So we are talking about Omaha and she tells me that everything is cheaper there (groceries and all that) and that's one of the reasons she likes it better. She tells me, "you should move to Omaha when you are ready to move, that's what you should do. You will have more fun there."
Jessica, that's her name, is a nice Hindu lady and she seems to enjoy acting like my mother at times, calling me on the motel phone and telling me to come get some dinner she cooked or letting me know that there are storm warnings and that if I have things to get down in town I should be sure to get home quickly.
One day, a little over a month ago she tells me that her motel has been sold but that they are just waiting for the buyer to get the loan. She says, "and you can move to Omaha with me!" I tell her congratulations but I was only half concerned with the news. I've seen buyers of places this large back out before. But then a few weeks later she tells me that the deal went through and there will be a new owner soon, so I say, "Oh I hope the new owner is as nice as you are to me." She says, "You can move to Omaha and stay with us there." But I happen to know that there are more amenities in her Omaha hotel and it is more expensive, and I tell her I can't afford that. She says, "no, we'll work it out. Don't worry." So I say, "You would give me the same rate as here?" She says, "Sure. Don't worry, we'll work something out."
I'm someone who doesn't usually accept promises. Especially when I feel things look too good to be true. I mean the motel in Omaha not only has the same benefits as here, but a swimming pool and a full gym as well. And living in Omaha itself would be amazing compared to the years I've spent here in dinky Lincoln.
Then Sunday Jessica invites me to go shopping with her. I don't have any money for shopping but told her I'd enjoy going for the ride. The fact is, I've had a slow couple of weeks at work and was afraid that on Tuesday I'd have to tell her I don't have any money to pay for my lodging and would need to ask her the favor of "working something out" much sooner. So what I'm actually planning to do at this time, the reason I want to "go along for the ride," is to make myself useful on her errand trip and discuss with her this eventuality of me "working something out." I'm starting to fee, you see, that my ability to maintain my budget at this rate is tenuous at best. So I'm doing everything on this trip to myself useful. Pushing the big giant push cart for her, picking up the items she's purchasing, caring things to her SUV, loading the SUV, unloading....etc... when she then says, "when we go to Omaha I want you to work in the office 3 or 4 hours a day. That way you won't have to pay for your room. So you can save your money, you will still be able to do the work you do. We will work the hours for you." I ask her when she thinks we will do this, and I think I heard her say "in a month."
Come to realize this morning, she probably said "end of month."
Because this morning her husband knocks on my door and says he wants to talk to me. He gives me a job interview real quickly and then tells me he wants me to work for him 3 or 4 hours a day doing the office and folding laundry (that's the job Jessica does, which other than maintenance and house keeping is the only job there is). He tells me he will have me wear a branded white shirt and I will have to remove my earrings. None of this is a problem! And he says he will return in a few days to pick me up and take me to Omaha!
HOLY SHIT!
I almost feel like a kid the night before going to Disney World!
Will I sleep tonight???
"you will see. In a little time you will be like one of the family!"
I kinda think I accidentally got myself adopted.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Do The Right Thing!
I saw something rather disgusting tonight. I was on Twitter (using TweetDeck, I almost never go to the Twitter site itself) when a friend of mine posted a retweet from a "trend" (hashtag) #thingsblackpeopledo. Since she got a laugh out of it (and she's a black American woman by the way), I thought I'd look at what was going on. What I found was a garbage filled river of racist slanders against black people! And worse, it was being perpetrated by blacks.
So for a moment I figured maybe it's one of two things - just self defacing humor that we can excuse, or maybe it's sarcasm spouting out the antagonistic stereotyping they often face themselves. But in any case, I felt it was disgusting and dangerous.
Then I did an experiment. At first I thought, "hmm... all these people in this trend are black or appear to be... I wonder what would happen if a white person posted #thingsblackpeopledo?" Well, of course I didn't want to do it myself. I don't know if I can actually call myself colorblind, but I'm sure not about to be labeled a racist. So I got another thought... is there a #thingswhitepeopledo hashtag out there?
Sure enough, there was!!!! But to my dismay - it was also being perpetrated by blacks (at least 99 percent of the postings where blacks and some where even simultaneously posting in both tags). I was foolishly actually hoping I'd find a bunch of disenfranchised white people stereotyping themselves... but nope, the same racist tone as the other topic was coming through my Internet feed.
Now don't get me wrong. I didn't get offended (per se), I wasn't disgusted. In fact, tonight's observations are in no way surprising to me. I guess I did once have some hope, hope that maybe change was coming now that we are global peoples in virtual space... but i won't say I was at all surprised.
So I asked my lovely and colorful friend what her opinion of the trend was, and I also asked another person (a stranger who I saw tweeting in the trend that he was disgusted). I asked them if they noticed anything about both of the hashtags (meaning, I had to point out to them that the #thingswhitepeopledo was also in the air though not as popular) that seemed striking. Neither of them noticed until I pointed out the demographics of both tags where blacks. Then I became involved in several very healthy discussions about Twitter, trending, and racism and other ignorant behavior on the net.
The thing is... racism, stereotyping, and other disrespectful biases aren't just going away because America caught up with the outside world and hired a black man to do the top job (Many nations have long been doing this, so it really isn't a "historic event" as far as I'm concerned). Even when America catches up to England, India, and other nations and hires a woman for the job, that still isn't going to change things. What is going to change this is individual. We each have to stop slandering each other and slandering ourselves. That's the way this issue might go away.
So for a moment I figured maybe it's one of two things - just self defacing humor that we can excuse, or maybe it's sarcasm spouting out the antagonistic stereotyping they often face themselves. But in any case, I felt it was disgusting and dangerous.
Then I did an experiment. At first I thought, "hmm... all these people in this trend are black or appear to be... I wonder what would happen if a white person posted #thingsblackpeopledo?" Well, of course I didn't want to do it myself. I don't know if I can actually call myself colorblind, but I'm sure not about to be labeled a racist. So I got another thought... is there a #thingswhitepeopledo hashtag out there?
Sure enough, there was!!!! But to my dismay - it was also being perpetrated by blacks (at least 99 percent of the postings where blacks and some where even simultaneously posting in both tags). I was foolishly actually hoping I'd find a bunch of disenfranchised white people stereotyping themselves... but nope, the same racist tone as the other topic was coming through my Internet feed.
Now don't get me wrong. I didn't get offended (per se), I wasn't disgusted. In fact, tonight's observations are in no way surprising to me. I guess I did once have some hope, hope that maybe change was coming now that we are global peoples in virtual space... but i won't say I was at all surprised.
So I asked my lovely and colorful friend what her opinion of the trend was, and I also asked another person (a stranger who I saw tweeting in the trend that he was disgusted). I asked them if they noticed anything about both of the hashtags (meaning, I had to point out to them that the #thingswhitepeopledo was also in the air though not as popular) that seemed striking. Neither of them noticed until I pointed out the demographics of both tags where blacks. Then I became involved in several very healthy discussions about Twitter, trending, and racism and other ignorant behavior on the net.
The thing is... racism, stereotyping, and other disrespectful biases aren't just going away because America caught up with the outside world and hired a black man to do the top job (Many nations have long been doing this, so it really isn't a "historic event" as far as I'm concerned). Even when America catches up to England, India, and other nations and hires a woman for the job, that still isn't going to change things. What is going to change this is individual. We each have to stop slandering each other and slandering ourselves. That's the way this issue might go away.
Monday, May 3, 2010
My Holy Order
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Because I am frequently asked "What is a good order to read Aleister Crowley's writings in?" and "How did you get started in Thelema," I'm going to write my best answer here. I'm going to go from memory because I'm being a bit lazy (I do still have all the invoices and correspondences and papers, so I could easily look up the facts, but…) because I want to enjoy the nostalgia of doing so.
The first book I read by Crowley was The Book of Thoth: an Essay on the Egyptian Tarot. But to use the vernacular of today's youth, I didn't grok. Maybe because the book was on loan I had difficulty with it (otherwise, I write notes and cross references in my books, which helps me learn) - but the most reasonable explanation I had at the time was that I didn't fully comprehend the "worldview of The Book of the Law, which Crowley designed his tarot on." So I borrowed The Book of the Law and 777 & Other Qabalistic Writings of Aleister Crowley from the same friend. The truth of the matter was that this didn’t help at all (remember, I’m not able to write my references and notes in these books).
At the time, I was well versed in the writings on Wicca and other new age concepts. I had even read Dianetics. European mythologies, Gnosticism, and neo-pagan magickal works were my thing – and I knew my tarot very well. I owned The Rider-Waite Deck, The Mythic Tarot, and numerous books on all these subjects – but Crowley and his mythologies where brand new to me. I even knew my Tree of Life, the Aleph-Beth, and astrological and tarot correspondences. I had recently begun to study the Golden Dawn and was an initiate of The Free and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry. But I just wasn’t “getting” Crowley.
I became more interested in Freemasonry and The Golden Dawn. I was studying the liberal arts in college at the time (encouraged by the Master of my lodge to do so) and the languages where basically the same all around. Human Relations, Philosophy, Psychology, Comparative Religion…. Things started to really add up for me. So I signed up and became a member of the Golden Dawn.
As seemed the thing to do at the time, I studied the writings of Israel Regardie and Robert Wang (I also bought The Golden Dawn Tarot). At the time this was very suitable to me, even though “the rituals of the old time are black. Let the evil ones be cast away; let the good ones be purged by the prophet,” the Path to the Vault of the Adepti (5=6 Golden Dawn) granted me extraordinary powers with the Tarot and both the Golden Dawn Tarot and The Book of Thoth (tarot deck) became perfectly clear to me and the Rider-Waite Tarot seemed suddenly stiff. At about this same time I had acquired my own copies of Liber AL vel Legis (The Book of the Law), 777, and The Book of Thoth: An Essay on the Egyptian Tarot and felt compelled to write a letter to Chic Cicero (who I had already had a long correspondence with) babbling I remember not what after I bought and read The Law is for All. A little over a week later I received a reply stating that he felt I had gone about as far in the Order as I was going to go at this point and that he had given my name and address to Lon Milo DuQuette regarding my interest in Crowley and the OTO. Shortly after, I received a short letter from Lon telling me that it was recommend I buy his book from Samuel Weiser Publications, The Magick of Aleister Crowley (now re-titled The Magick of Thelema) and a business card with his name and OTO Lodge contact information. So I ordered the book.
At this point in the narrative I have to admit that I don’t know that book recommendations are going to be enough. In fact, this entire narrative is nothing if I do not mention that other than a few new age books about crystals and herbs and shamanism, and the usual antique books in public libraries such as The Witches Hammer and The Black Arts, I never succeeded in finding books on the occult until after my very first initiation as a witch on the beach bordering Newport Beach and Huntington Beach in 1987. So if those men and women I knew then where really linked to a magickal current and that initiation was true, I’ve never entered into reading the words without the initiations behind me. And one thing I discovered with my work through Freemasonry and The Golden Dawn up to this point in my story, initiation makes things make sense that otherwise didn’t.
But don’t let me get all silly about it. It’s not just the initiations themselves that do the trick – initiation is just the marker of having accomplished something up to that path – so it was most certainly all the other work and training that illuminated the Being in me to see what I couldn’t before see. So yes, study is definitely a must.
After a few short correspondences, I think I frustrated Lon. He bluntly told me that his hands were full, he didn’t have time for a student, and introduced me to William Heidrick and Phyllis Seckler (Frater AMTH and Sorror Meral respectively).
It’s here that I end this tale. My story doesn’t finish at this point – this is all still many years ago in the past – but to be honest, the works and books and information came in such a fashion that I think I thought I was at a smorgasbord. Perhaps it will be the same for someone who follows in my steps. There are rituals, practices, and markers along the way that no book can fully express – but if this history opened doors for me, maybe it can open doors for you too (If thou wilt).
Love is the law, love under will.
Because I am frequently asked "What is a good order to read Aleister Crowley's writings in?" and "How did you get started in Thelema," I'm going to write my best answer here. I'm going to go from memory because I'm being a bit lazy (I do still have all the invoices and correspondences and papers, so I could easily look up the facts, but…) because I want to enjoy the nostalgia of doing so.
The first book I read by Crowley was The Book of Thoth: an Essay on the Egyptian Tarot. But to use the vernacular of today's youth, I didn't grok. Maybe because the book was on loan I had difficulty with it (otherwise, I write notes and cross references in my books, which helps me learn) - but the most reasonable explanation I had at the time was that I didn't fully comprehend the "worldview of The Book of the Law, which Crowley designed his tarot on." So I borrowed The Book of the Law and 777 & Other Qabalistic Writings of Aleister Crowley from the same friend. The truth of the matter was that this didn’t help at all (remember, I’m not able to write my references and notes in these books).
At the time, I was well versed in the writings on Wicca and other new age concepts. I had even read Dianetics. European mythologies, Gnosticism, and neo-pagan magickal works were my thing – and I knew my tarot very well. I owned The Rider-Waite Deck, The Mythic Tarot, and numerous books on all these subjects – but Crowley and his mythologies where brand new to me. I even knew my Tree of Life, the Aleph-Beth, and astrological and tarot correspondences. I had recently begun to study the Golden Dawn and was an initiate of The Free and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry. But I just wasn’t “getting” Crowley.
I became more interested in Freemasonry and The Golden Dawn. I was studying the liberal arts in college at the time (encouraged by the Master of my lodge to do so) and the languages where basically the same all around. Human Relations, Philosophy, Psychology, Comparative Religion…. Things started to really add up for me. So I signed up and became a member of the Golden Dawn.
As seemed the thing to do at the time, I studied the writings of Israel Regardie and Robert Wang (I also bought The Golden Dawn Tarot). At the time this was very suitable to me, even though “the rituals of the old time are black. Let the evil ones be cast away; let the good ones be purged by the prophet,” the Path to the Vault of the Adepti (5=6 Golden Dawn) granted me extraordinary powers with the Tarot and both the Golden Dawn Tarot and The Book of Thoth (tarot deck) became perfectly clear to me and the Rider-Waite Tarot seemed suddenly stiff. At about this same time I had acquired my own copies of Liber AL vel Legis (The Book of the Law), 777, and The Book of Thoth: An Essay on the Egyptian Tarot and felt compelled to write a letter to Chic Cicero (who I had already had a long correspondence with) babbling I remember not what after I bought and read The Law is for All. A little over a week later I received a reply stating that he felt I had gone about as far in the Order as I was going to go at this point and that he had given my name and address to Lon Milo DuQuette regarding my interest in Crowley and the OTO. Shortly after, I received a short letter from Lon telling me that it was recommend I buy his book from Samuel Weiser Publications, The Magick of Aleister Crowley (now re-titled The Magick of Thelema) and a business card with his name and OTO Lodge contact information. So I ordered the book.
At this point in the narrative I have to admit that I don’t know that book recommendations are going to be enough. In fact, this entire narrative is nothing if I do not mention that other than a few new age books about crystals and herbs and shamanism, and the usual antique books in public libraries such as The Witches Hammer and The Black Arts, I never succeeded in finding books on the occult until after my very first initiation as a witch on the beach bordering Newport Beach and Huntington Beach in 1987. So if those men and women I knew then where really linked to a magickal current and that initiation was true, I’ve never entered into reading the words without the initiations behind me. And one thing I discovered with my work through Freemasonry and The Golden Dawn up to this point in my story, initiation makes things make sense that otherwise didn’t.
But don’t let me get all silly about it. It’s not just the initiations themselves that do the trick – initiation is just the marker of having accomplished something up to that path – so it was most certainly all the other work and training that illuminated the Being in me to see what I couldn’t before see. So yes, study is definitely a must.
After a few short correspondences, I think I frustrated Lon. He bluntly told me that his hands were full, he didn’t have time for a student, and introduced me to William Heidrick and Phyllis Seckler (Frater AMTH and Sorror Meral respectively).
It’s here that I end this tale. My story doesn’t finish at this point – this is all still many years ago in the past – but to be honest, the works and books and information came in such a fashion that I think I thought I was at a smorgasbord. Perhaps it will be the same for someone who follows in my steps. There are rituals, practices, and markers along the way that no book can fully express – but if this history opened doors for me, maybe it can open doors for you too (If thou wilt).
Love is the law, love under will.
Friday, August 28, 2009
To Reverse or Not To Reverse - That is the Question
There is often confusion about reversed cards in a reading. Some readers don't use reversed card meanings, they say, and some of those who say that mean that they aren't looking at the negative concepts that a reversed card often suggests (this is a misconception, by the way - not all reversed card meanings are suggestive of negative indications) while other readers who say they don't use reversed cards do understand that some cards have influences around them that will lead toward what can be found in books under the "keywords for reversed card meanings." Then this leads to the question of why some use reversed cards in their reading (that is, should the card land in an upside down position, it will be read differently than if read while upright) and why some do not. And among those that do not, how can you tell if they are using what are called "dignities" or influences around the card to determine if it reads its generally "positive" upright definition or if it should read its sometimes less positive meaning?
For instance, the Ace of Wands is like a giant match stick. It signals in a reading a sparking of ambition, the initiation of a new direction, optimistic energy and maybe an adventure. And in certain cases it can represent the growing excitement of the sexually active male. But is that all there is to this card? Doesn't it sometimes also mean missing an opportunity? Having a bad start at it? Going limp and needing time to start over another day? Yes, such would be the case if your reading included reversed cards. But if the reader doesn't "use" reversed cards, how would they know which ideas to choose from?
There's always the old standby answer of "I just use my intuition." But if you research the clinical tests that have been done concerning intuition and its development, or ask someone who is certainly very intuitive where the intuition comes from, after the typical cheap answer of "I dunno, it just (yawn) comes to me," they will ramble on about how this showed up and that showed up and they thought this and this shined brighter and that made sense and so suddenly they were able to feel as if they just somehow knew the answer. That is, according to research, intuitive leaps occur when there is enough variety of data (and sometimes maybe too much to add up all at once) that the picture or complete idea behind everything began to just seem simple to see. Like looking at those pictures where you have to squint your eyes, look far away and then close up again, and then suddenly seemingly random dots and blobs take on the shape of a three dimensional picture of dolphins in the sea at play around a yellow submarine. Intuition doesn't "just happen," it’s a product of a collection of data and the ability to assimilate it all at a glance. Intuition is a gift, but it is a gift that all mammals are born with (except of course those with cerebral handicaps). Trustworthy intuition, on the other hand, like any talent that any human being could learn to increase, is a trained skill.
The amount of data that exists in tarot is incredible. Lay down five, ten, fifteen or more cards on your table and that data has increased exponentially! Add to this that some cards will land upright and some will land reversed (unless, like me, you have certain decks you shuffle in such a way as to insure that they don't mix with reverse cards in them) and your amount of available data has just stacked itself to the ends of time. It's huge!
But as I hinted above, it doesn't matter if you allow reversed cards to be on your table or not, every card has two sides to it. If you, as a reader, do not know that or refuse to accept that, you are falling short of giving the most accurate and detailed reading you can.
There are those who don't read reversed cards in their readings who I've seen in conversation get very vehement about this subject. Sometimes I just get the impression that this topic stirs a great deal of spiritual pride in these people. This troubles me because spiritual pride is, to me, the greatest hallmark of a roadblock to spiritual progress. I would say for certain that spiritual pride is definitely not the hallmark of a worshipful master or teacher. Can a teacher be qualified if he or she has forgotten what it was like to be the pupil? It's for this reason, among others, that I decided I needed to write about this subject. Another motivation behind this article is for the other side of the fence, those who use reversed cards in their readings and how I want to 1) explain to them how not using cards turned upside down as the sole indicator of significance is a viable practice and 2) how they can use the "non-reversed" card systems to enhance their reading depth and accuracy.
Allow me to begin by explaining the basic nature of the tarot cards. Tarot is based on both the Western Qabalah and Astrology. It is a collection of pictorial expressions in numbered fashion designed to suggest to the reader the concepts associated with each card as understood by both the study of Western Qabalah and Ancient Astrology. The suits of the Minor Arcana represent the Four Worlds of the Qabalah as do the numbers represent the Ten Spheres or Sepheroth as understood in the Hebrew based numerology system. On top of the numeric and mystic system of the Qabalah is superimposed the system of Astrology. The Major Arcana contains the 12 signs of the Zodiac, the Seven Sacred Planets of Ancient Astrology, and the Elements. Four of the sixteen cards that are called the court cards also belong to the elements, but not at the same level as the three Majors do. The other twelve members of the court cards belong to signs of the Zodiac also, but again, not in the same way as the Majors (The majors are actually the Signs & Houses they rule whereas the court cards suggest rising signs). The aces are the elements themselves and the remaining 36 small cards fit into each of the 36 decanate of the Zodiac, representing ten degrees of The Wheel each. This alone can make for a very complicated system.
Add to this system, just like you would in using Astrology, that some of the planets can be stationary or retrograde, some of the Houses or Signs can be negatively afflicted or captured (also known as "hidden"), and some elements or configurations can lead to afflictions of some or all the natures and intelligences found in an astrological chart, and you have the same concepts that would be expressed if we were to say that a card in a reading was afflicted, averse in its influence, or (if used) reversed.
So as you might imagine, if you know your astrology and your tarot well enough, and you have a pretty solid tarot spread you use that allows well for this knowledge of astrology and its techniques, you do not need to use reversed cards to determine if this card or that should read this way or the other. And further, the more you know about this system of using DIGNITIES to determine exactly what a card is meaning, the more information you can glean in the reading. But this is not the only system of dignities readers are using. There's another, much simpler understanding of dignities that merely depends on the four elements of each card and how well they work together as well as the "active" and "passive" (or male and female) nature of each card. This is in conjunction with the astrological method, but pairs it down to a more general sense and (no pun intended) elementary model.
I'm not sure when reversed cards came into fashion. All the older works on Tarot that I have studied do not mention them although they do mention the two tiers of meaning each card can have. These two structures of meaning assigned each card are variously called "card meaning" and "averse meaning," or "ill-dignified," or "inflicted." Those, by the way, are all astrological terms used as far back as writings about astrology have been in existence. On the other hand, it isn't until the 1960s or 1970s when popularized tarot decks become a vogue that we start seeing the words "reversed meaning" in books. But if someone wants to play detective and discover the first time this terminology was used, I would be eternally grateful. So... until I am proved otherwise that this fashion did not exist until Tarot became a toy available to any school girl to buy and play with, I am going to say that using reversed cards in your reading is a lazy way of excusing a lack of knowledge about the astrological method of reading the cards.
That isn't to say that I don't use reversed cards in my readings. In some spreads, only the use of reversed cards can give us enough information to allow for a fuller understanding in the reading. For instance, using the Celtic Cross spread would be incredibly inferior in reading the situation(s) if we didn't use reversed cards. Also, with my "Yes/No Answer" spread, I use reversed cards and with my "Relationship Perspective" readings. For these spreads/readings, I have assigned specific decks to each in which when I shuffle I not only allow for reversals, I encourage them. But with my Thoth decks, which I use for the fifteen card spread and for some three card spread readings, as well as some other more complicated readings I do for personal use, I shuffle them in a so as to avoid reversed cards (but in that deck, on the rare occasion a card comes up reversed I do consider if it might be more significant for some reason).
As a final word, even if one uses the reversed card method of reading this does not mean that they cannot also incorporate the concepts of the elemental dignities or numerological dignities and so forth, nor are they prevented from using the astrological concepts I alluded to before - but as for that, the astrological dignities, I wouldn't encourage mixing it with reversed card spreads. That could lead to confusions.
For instance, the Ace of Wands is like a giant match stick. It signals in a reading a sparking of ambition, the initiation of a new direction, optimistic energy and maybe an adventure. And in certain cases it can represent the growing excitement of the sexually active male. But is that all there is to this card? Doesn't it sometimes also mean missing an opportunity? Having a bad start at it? Going limp and needing time to start over another day? Yes, such would be the case if your reading included reversed cards. But if the reader doesn't "use" reversed cards, how would they know which ideas to choose from?
There's always the old standby answer of "I just use my intuition." But if you research the clinical tests that have been done concerning intuition and its development, or ask someone who is certainly very intuitive where the intuition comes from, after the typical cheap answer of "I dunno, it just (yawn) comes to me," they will ramble on about how this showed up and that showed up and they thought this and this shined brighter and that made sense and so suddenly they were able to feel as if they just somehow knew the answer. That is, according to research, intuitive leaps occur when there is enough variety of data (and sometimes maybe too much to add up all at once) that the picture or complete idea behind everything began to just seem simple to see. Like looking at those pictures where you have to squint your eyes, look far away and then close up again, and then suddenly seemingly random dots and blobs take on the shape of a three dimensional picture of dolphins in the sea at play around a yellow submarine. Intuition doesn't "just happen," it’s a product of a collection of data and the ability to assimilate it all at a glance. Intuition is a gift, but it is a gift that all mammals are born with (except of course those with cerebral handicaps). Trustworthy intuition, on the other hand, like any talent that any human being could learn to increase, is a trained skill.
The amount of data that exists in tarot is incredible. Lay down five, ten, fifteen or more cards on your table and that data has increased exponentially! Add to this that some cards will land upright and some will land reversed (unless, like me, you have certain decks you shuffle in such a way as to insure that they don't mix with reverse cards in them) and your amount of available data has just stacked itself to the ends of time. It's huge!
But as I hinted above, it doesn't matter if you allow reversed cards to be on your table or not, every card has two sides to it. If you, as a reader, do not know that or refuse to accept that, you are falling short of giving the most accurate and detailed reading you can.
There are those who don't read reversed cards in their readings who I've seen in conversation get very vehement about this subject. Sometimes I just get the impression that this topic stirs a great deal of spiritual pride in these people. This troubles me because spiritual pride is, to me, the greatest hallmark of a roadblock to spiritual progress. I would say for certain that spiritual pride is definitely not the hallmark of a worshipful master or teacher. Can a teacher be qualified if he or she has forgotten what it was like to be the pupil? It's for this reason, among others, that I decided I needed to write about this subject. Another motivation behind this article is for the other side of the fence, those who use reversed cards in their readings and how I want to 1) explain to them how not using cards turned upside down as the sole indicator of significance is a viable practice and 2) how they can use the "non-reversed" card systems to enhance their reading depth and accuracy.
Allow me to begin by explaining the basic nature of the tarot cards. Tarot is based on both the Western Qabalah and Astrology. It is a collection of pictorial expressions in numbered fashion designed to suggest to the reader the concepts associated with each card as understood by both the study of Western Qabalah and Ancient Astrology. The suits of the Minor Arcana represent the Four Worlds of the Qabalah as do the numbers represent the Ten Spheres or Sepheroth as understood in the Hebrew based numerology system. On top of the numeric and mystic system of the Qabalah is superimposed the system of Astrology. The Major Arcana contains the 12 signs of the Zodiac, the Seven Sacred Planets of Ancient Astrology, and the Elements. Four of the sixteen cards that are called the court cards also belong to the elements, but not at the same level as the three Majors do. The other twelve members of the court cards belong to signs of the Zodiac also, but again, not in the same way as the Majors (The majors are actually the Signs & Houses they rule whereas the court cards suggest rising signs). The aces are the elements themselves and the remaining 36 small cards fit into each of the 36 decanate of the Zodiac, representing ten degrees of The Wheel each. This alone can make for a very complicated system.
Add to this system, just like you would in using Astrology, that some of the planets can be stationary or retrograde, some of the Houses or Signs can be negatively afflicted or captured (also known as "hidden"), and some elements or configurations can lead to afflictions of some or all the natures and intelligences found in an astrological chart, and you have the same concepts that would be expressed if we were to say that a card in a reading was afflicted, averse in its influence, or (if used) reversed.
So as you might imagine, if you know your astrology and your tarot well enough, and you have a pretty solid tarot spread you use that allows well for this knowledge of astrology and its techniques, you do not need to use reversed cards to determine if this card or that should read this way or the other. And further, the more you know about this system of using DIGNITIES to determine exactly what a card is meaning, the more information you can glean in the reading. But this is not the only system of dignities readers are using. There's another, much simpler understanding of dignities that merely depends on the four elements of each card and how well they work together as well as the "active" and "passive" (or male and female) nature of each card. This is in conjunction with the astrological method, but pairs it down to a more general sense and (no pun intended) elementary model.
I'm not sure when reversed cards came into fashion. All the older works on Tarot that I have studied do not mention them although they do mention the two tiers of meaning each card can have. These two structures of meaning assigned each card are variously called "card meaning" and "averse meaning," or "ill-dignified," or "inflicted." Those, by the way, are all astrological terms used as far back as writings about astrology have been in existence. On the other hand, it isn't until the 1960s or 1970s when popularized tarot decks become a vogue that we start seeing the words "reversed meaning" in books. But if someone wants to play detective and discover the first time this terminology was used, I would be eternally grateful. So... until I am proved otherwise that this fashion did not exist until Tarot became a toy available to any school girl to buy and play with, I am going to say that using reversed cards in your reading is a lazy way of excusing a lack of knowledge about the astrological method of reading the cards.
That isn't to say that I don't use reversed cards in my readings. In some spreads, only the use of reversed cards can give us enough information to allow for a fuller understanding in the reading. For instance, using the Celtic Cross spread would be incredibly inferior in reading the situation(s) if we didn't use reversed cards. Also, with my "Yes/No Answer" spread, I use reversed cards and with my "Relationship Perspective" readings. For these spreads/readings, I have assigned specific decks to each in which when I shuffle I not only allow for reversals, I encourage them. But with my Thoth decks, which I use for the fifteen card spread and for some three card spread readings, as well as some other more complicated readings I do for personal use, I shuffle them in a so as to avoid reversed cards (but in that deck, on the rare occasion a card comes up reversed I do consider if it might be more significant for some reason).
As a final word, even if one uses the reversed card method of reading this does not mean that they cannot also incorporate the concepts of the elemental dignities or numerological dignities and so forth, nor are they prevented from using the astrological concepts I alluded to before - but as for that, the astrological dignities, I wouldn't encourage mixing it with reversed card spreads. That could lead to confusions.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Something about a doctor?
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Imagine sitting in the doctor's examination room waiting for him or her to come in. You are ailing from some condition or another and you aren't sure what to do. You are hoping that your physician can figure things out, offer you a solution of some kind, and allow your life to get back to its healthy and happy previous condition.
The doctor walks in and says hello. When asked what brings you to the office, you say, "You tell me."
The doctor knows you came because you have some questions or concerns that need to be responded to, but now all of the sudden you've decided not to tell the doctor what your questions or concerns are? You know and I know, and the doctor knows, this is going to take a "full work up" just to even find out what one of possibly many of the symptoms are. Unless you change your attitude and decide to tell your doctor.
Since instead of cooperating with your health management specialist, you've decided to play games, the doctor now has to fish with you to get even close to understanding what your situation is. He or she is going to ask you a litany of questions - some of which actually will seem to have nothing to do with what is troubling you. You can't blame the doctor for this, you obviously came in for a reason and now it's the doctor's job to figure out what that reason is. This isn't going to be easy.
Or let's imagine another situation.
Same doctor. Same room. Except this time you have decided to be a little more a part of the team. At least you can tell the doctor, "I have pain." At least that narrows it down some. "Any particular place?" the doctor asks. You remain tight lipped. You've finished being helpful. So now the doctor has to poke and prod you in every imaginable location! Is that really what you want to pay for?
Let's put this in perspective.
In the first doctor visit, the doctor had to begin with gathering as much of a full history as possible and then give you a complete general examine - or as much of one that was required before you finally said, "ouch, that's where it hurts!"
In the second scenario, the doctor knew he was looking for a physical location of pain and so got to avoid many of the questions and procedures. Straight to the poking and prodding to find out until the spot was hit. Or, in an ideal situation, the doctor walks in and asks the matter and you simply answer as completely as possible - but being sure not to make anything up or give your opinion because you don't want to waste too much time being mistaken. You have a continual dull pain in your left shoulder.
The doctor does some examinations, recognizes that you have a spasmodic muscle in your back just below your neck and shoulder. This could be due to spinal misalignment and the doctor prescribes you some muscle relaxants. "This should ease your discomfort and if your back or neck doesn't re-adjust after this, I might suggest a chiropractor. But sometimes this helps all you need."
The above situations are a lot like what I encounter as a tarot reader here on Keen. Some clients will call and ask for a general reading. That's not a bad idea, actually. It's a good idea every now and then to get a full "physical examine" to help you determine if you are neglecting any important health concerns you haven't yet become aware of. You know what they say: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But suppose it's time for that pound of cure... do you really want to continue longer in your discomfort by making your tarot reader pull your teeth before discovering that your main pain is in your heart?
When you visit with your tarot reader or psychic, it's okay to tell them what you want to know about. You can say anything from "I'm interested in finding out about my relationship with my boyfriend" or "What does so-and-so really want from me in this relationship?" And it's okay to know that too much information is not a good thing because some times giving the information can influence the reading in ways that might be counter productive to your success. It's a fine line honestly.
But don't be afraid if your reader has questions they want to ask you. This is not cheating, it's clarification. "Do you still live with your mother, or what's this issue I see that involves your home? These could be the same thing here. Any ideas?" That's not an unfair question. Or, "Are you two apart? How long has it been because I'm really getting a weak sense with this distance between you." That's actually a question I asked that ended up leading toward the woman deciding I was a fraud and she left me very negative feedback. Not to mention that my reading was the only one she'd received in months of visiting with different readers and asking the same question of them that was different than all the rest.
To get the most of your reading it actually helps to have an open and honest discussion with your advisor. Although of course it is true in any industry, be it medical, retail, or psychic services, that there are people who are not honest in what they have to offer you or are downright incompetent in what they do, it is rarely helpful to begin with the cynical attitude that you are purposely looking to "out" the phonies. Instead, give it a try with a comfortable and relaxed attitude. Assume the best and see where the reading actually goes from there before you decide if it is working for you or not. And also, especially if it involved predictions about the future which you currently can't imagine coming true, give it some time before you completely decide to form an opinion.
As much as I like receiving the feedback for what I do, I'm more interested in an honest rating based on the reading that was given and not your immediate feelings at the moment the call ended. And as much as anyone likes getting five out of five stars, a conscientiously written statement is much more valuable no matter how many stars are attached to it. In other words, for me, a three or four star rating with some words of encouragement and expressions explaining where things worked or didn't work is much more than a five star rating and simple "ty."
In my next blog, I think I'll continue the doctor metaphor and discuss second opinions. :-)
Love is the law, love under will.
- Darin
- Darin
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